Trivia

OK.

Enough with the depressing stuff. Haha!

Read somewhere in babycenter.com that your child's height when they are all grown up can be measured if you know how tall they were when they were 2 years old. You just multiply that height (in cm) by 2.

Aliah was 80cm

and

Jannah was 85 87cm

So apparently Aliah will grow up to be 160cm tall and Jannah will be 170cm  174cm tall.

Both much much taller than me. Tsk. And Jannah will be even taller than her Papa!

Have to wait and see if this will come true though. :)

The Lost

Everyone was excited about the ultrasound. Especially Aliah. She's been asking me EVERYDAY how big the baby was. In retrospect, we should not have brought her along. But how were we to know that things were not going to turn out OK?

The scan showed an empty sac. No signs of Little Baby at all. I was numb.

I didn't want to believe, I mean.. I was still having all the symptoms. Nausea, headaches, fatigue, vomiting. Doc even did another pregnancy test, and it was still a strong positive. I still wanted to believe.

My defence mechanism is to sleep. So that was what I did after we got home. I slept. It was a Friday, so Hubby left for friday prayers. And told the girls to let Mommy rest for a while.

When I woke up, I had a chat with Myra and talked things over. Read up what it meant to be going through a missed abortion and was generally trying to come to terms with what was going on.

Decided that I did not want to mope around, and Hubby ajak tengok movies. So we brought the girls to watch Toy.Story.3 at the Gardens! Huh.. Spoilt brats la bebudak nih nanti. Haha.. But yes, it was good movie and both girls loved it and Mommy couldn't stop crying at the end. Haha!

The weekend was a normal weekend like any other, we went for playgroup, went to Mak's - even went to the dusun for a while, and then just stayed home to relax.

All this time, I was still having the symptoms. And the vomiting was real bad on Monday. And there was no bleeding at all. Not even a small drop. And that was what really puzzled me.

I had a meeting on that hill on Monday and after that went to low.yat with my colleagues. Over lunch I had 2 glasses of coke. And I think that did the trick. Started spotting that evening. But since I was expecting it, oh well.. it was expected lah kan.

Told my boss calmly that I would probably be on MC the next day. Haha!

Hubby had some meetings Tuesday morning, so we only went to see the doctor in the afternoon. Did another scan and this time we saw a little speck of what was Little Baby. Too small to be 11 weeks. She wrote a referral letter for me to see a gynae to see if I needed a d&c. And he had another meeting after that, and I was still feeling OK, no serious cramps whatsoever so we postponed the gynae meet the next day.

That was probably the worst decision we ever made so far, coz immediately after that I started having serious cramps. If I remember correctly from my experience with Aliah, the pain was worse than Aliah's labour pains contractions. Sakit tahap dewata dah woo. Anyway, Mama decided that I needed to go to the hospital asap, and so after Maghrib we went.

We went straight to the A&E, and had the MO on duty check on me. I was immediately warded for a D&C procedure later that night. When the gynae finally saw me, it was already 11pm and she immediately put me under for the procedure. I was pretty traumatic by this time as there was soooo much pain and was so glad to be on GA.

When I woke up, it was 1 in the morning. And I was still in the labour room. Drifted between consciousness. The whole night was like that in fact, I was glad to have Hubby with me. (He was "sleeping" really uncomfortably on a chair - thank you sayang!)

I finally woke up and went to the toilet at about 7. Wozzy from the GA still and vomited quite a bit too. And it felt empty.

Verily, from Him we come, and to Him we return..

Points to Ponder :

I know I said I lost a daughter, but I have to point out that was just an instinct. We never knew for sure.

Listen to your doctor or your cousin who is a doctor.. ;P Get the D&C done BEFORE the pain sets in. You do not want to feel that pain. Trust me.

Stick to the don't tell people until first trimester over. This includes your children. I'm having a hard time with Aliah on this. She said "Baby don't like us anymore Mommy?" And how the hell do you answer that??

First Trimester :: As It Was

so, I was pregnant.. WAS being the operative word there. And I would have posted this either yesterday or today if I had passed the 12 week mark. Am still putting this up, because those 11 weeks was a long time for me. And I don't want to ever forget. I don't want to forget that I had my 3rd daughter with me even for just a little while. Even if it was just borrowed to me for a mere 11 weeks. I don't want to forget. There will be another post (I hope) on what happened after, but will see. Can't get pass being all blurry eyed now. :(

***due to the fact that I wanted to keep the pregnancy low key, this post will ONLY be up after 12 weeks or so. but also due to the fact that I am getting old and my memory is crap nowadays, I need to start keeping track as and when it happens so I won't forget. so, what you will get in this post would be 10 weeks worth of info***

May 6 - menses are late. and the home kit showed a very light positive result. Hubby wasn't convinced so will give it a few days before doing the test again.

May 9 - appropriately on Mother's Day, the kit showed that I would soon be a mother again. a mother of three. Alhamdulillah.

May 10 - 5 weeks now. According to the Lilypie, Little Baby is 4-6mm long. Heart has begun beating. So far, not feeling the symptoms except for getting tired and able to doze off at any time of the day. Have not told the 2 girls, but somehow I think they can sense it. Aliah has been talking about a baby boy for a couple of days now. "Why boy Kakak?" "Because we already have 4 girls in the house la Mommy" And Jannah has been extra whiny and clingy and manja and wants ONLY Mommy to pujuk her. *sigh*

May 12 - went for my first check-up today. Doc confirmed the pregnancy, but at 5 weeks it is still too small to do an ultrasound. Will come back at 10 weeks for another check-up. BP is normal at 90/60 AND amazingly, my starting weight is 43.6kg.. I've never been able to reach 43kg EVER before. *and upon checking the booklet for my 2 previous pregnancies, I was at that weight only in my 20th and 26th weeks respectively* dah bole bayang betapa balloon nyer I will be come end of this pregnancy Huahuahua.. will see la in 5 weeks time how much I've gain.

May 17 - 6 weeks today. Little Baby is 7-9mm long. So far, still doing OK. No nausea. Just a bit of headaches once in a while and fatigue all of a sudden. Over the weekend, I had one of the don't move don't do anything moments and just sat in front of the TV and did a Numb3rs marathon. Haha. Funny enough, both girls didn't bother me with wanting to watch their shows.

May 22 - finally vomited today. Haha! Sangat masochist kan? It wasn't the best of times for it to happen, tengah holiday in Bali nih. But at least, felt better after. So, it has started.. will see how bad I fair this time around.

May 23 - 7 weeks today! And halfway through the 1st trimester. Little Baby is about 12mm now. The size of a blueberry. Hands and feet are developing this week.

May 25 - today was pretty bad. Combined with a bad cold, and a headache. Early morning couldn't stop vomiting, even though I've not had anything to eat yet. Don't know if eating early would help or make things worse. My appetite has been very non-existent lately. I can eat just sesuap nasi and feel kenyang already. But I have to eat at pretty frequent intervals. I guess that's how the baby likes it.

May 31 - 8 weeks and the sickness is getting worse! I don't remember it being this bad with Jannah. Memang all day nausea. And the cold has turned into a cough now. So every time I cough, I feel like vomiting and then the nausea sets in and cycle repeats with the next cough. Crappy I tell you. According to babycenter.com Little Baby is the size of a kidney bean this week. Sungguh kecik! But all major organs, muscles are there. Fingers (web fingers and feet) are all also there. MasyaAllah, my 3rd pregnancy and I can still be amazed with all this facts. Heheh.. And what's more amazing is that such a little thing can cause my life to be so topsy turvy already!

June 4 - this week has been baaad! Super duper bad! I've not been to work the whole week. If Hubby was not super busy this week, I might have been able to go if he could send me. Yes, I could have tried to drive myself, but I was not really looking forward to risking that. As it is, I feel like flying all the time (bukan terbang ye tapi melayang) so to drive in that condition. Nope, not a good idea. The furthest I drive is to send Aliah to school. And even then, halfway through I am already getting cold sweats. Imagine Bangi - Melawati. I'd faint 3 times over. Haha. Yes, DQ I know. But this Little Baby is more demanding than Aliah n Jannah combined. Even Hubby said so too.

June 7 - 9 weeks today. Yeah! Cepatla habes first trimester. I am on the verge of saying "What the hell was I thinking getting pregnant again?!" But yes, I know.. women have that selective memory.. 3 years down the road we forget all this sickness and wish we have another baby in our arms. Haha! Little Baby is the size of a grape now. Still very very small. Aliah keeps asking daily how big the baby is. She is that excited about it. Jannah is pretty much oblivious to all this. Will see how she reacts when my bump gets a bit more prominent.

June 14 - 10 weeks. Due for a check-up this week, but will probably only go at the end of the week. And sickness is pretty much the same; i.e., BAD! I figured out that I can't fight the vomiting, if I feel like vomiting I will only feel better once I've gotten it all out. *sigh*

June 18, am - woke up feeling dreadful. They always say that dreams are really vivid while you are pregnant. and this one was the worst. I dreamt that I lost Little Baby. Had a miscarriage. She was only 16 weeks. and somehow, I just can't get the uneasy feeling out.

June 18, pm - Went for the check-up today. And doc confirmed the worst. I was going through what they call a missed abortion. The ultrasound showed that Little Baby was no more there. She was gone...

Information Overload

There is a lot to tell.. but I haven't really sort out my thoughts yet.

What I can express though is how much I love my new toy.. haha!

And so this post is actually to try out the toy... hehehe.


- Posted using BlogPress from my iPhone

Bali Again - part 2

Day 3

Mak & Aunty left early to go to Jalan Sulawesi. The rest decided to stay behind and catch up on some sleep. Hehe.. Today's activity would be to head out to Turtle Island. Siswanto brought us to Tanjung Benoa where we boarded our boat. Before that, Yon had a turn on parasailing. Pretty awesome.

The boat ride to Turtle Island was about 30 minutes. We stopped in the middle of the ocean for a feed the fish session. Laut mmg sangat cantek dan jernih lah kat sini. Anyway, this is our first time to the Turtle Island and both girls had a good time with the animals here. Amazing that the island is managed by volunteers who care for all the animals there. I guess Bali is still one of those places where monetary gain is not primary on their list of concerns.

Lunch was a mixture of rojak and bakso and such that we bought by the roadside.

And then everyone just lazed around in the room kepenatan.