Drained

It's been hectic. 

It's been busy. 

It's been emotionally challenging.

And right now, I am drained. 

June is Zipping by

Oh lordy, its 21 days into June and not a single post to date. Does not bode well does it? 

This is what happens when there is school hols. I don't get any time to chill. Alone. By myself. Run away for a bit. 

Nope. Nada. Zilch. Dream on. Hahaha. 

As I mentioned to a friend. When you have 4 ducklings tailing you everywhere you go. And I mean EVERYWHERE! I was *thiiissss* (thumb n pointer finger about an inch apart pls) close to losing it. Every single day. Worse if the night was a tiring one with Umar. 

Current state of mind :: I cannot see myself doing this; i.e. handling the kids full-time without the house help. Talking about which, she is going back at the end of the year and there is a possibility that she's not coming back. So yeah. Current state of mind. Sucks. Hehehe. 

Anyways, just a self reminder on some of the things I should post next. 

* The clan trip to Sg Klah

* Umar 4 month update

* the boys getting sick

* school hols activity

* kids antic

Hopefully I will post. Soon. Before I forget. Again. :D 

Down Memory Lane

I was bored yesterday. And somehow I started reading the old blog. Oooeeemmgeeeee, who the heck is that girl???! (for lack of better word walaupon I was already married n pregnant n then mother of 1 at that point) She was so bubbly and such a chatterbox. And it got me thinking. What happened? Have I changed that much?

I very much would like to think I've matured over the last 10 years and that is what it is. But I also believe it is much more complex than that. I remembered at that time (in 2004) and looking back 10 years, I said the same thing too. Now I'm wondering what my future self would say about my current self. Heh. 

4 kids and 10 years of marriage mellowed me. Hubby says it is his influence. To a point, I agree. He has. But then, a relationship that works in my opinion is one where we mirror each other at some points and complete each other in some other points. And that is what it is. The tornado in me has been somewhat calmed down by Hubby's own chill out nature. I am more laid back and relaxed now compared to 10 years ago. 

Being happy and content with life does that to you too I believe. And that is where I am now. Happy. Content with life. Syukur with all the rahmah that has been bestowed upon me. Alhamdulillah.

Week 38

Penat.

Tired.

Reflux.

Nerve Pain.

Back Ache.

You name it. It's all there.

But, I am grateful Baby is still happy in the tummy.

And I am happy that my checklist are being ticked and getting done. The only nagging chore left is spring cleaning the girls' room. *sigh*

Update on the c-sect date; we don't have one. Haha! As in, 2/2 has been postponed. And as of now, new date has not been selected. 

Waiting for them to get in touch with Doc Kham, and get back to me. So yeah. Waiting game. It's ok. There's a reason for things to happen this way. 

Biiznillah, all will be well.

Phone-less

I have been that for 10 days now (but who's counting :P)

Observations for being phone-less;

1. I am not as concerned about the missed calls as I am about the missed Whatsapp messages. Goes to show,the phone has become a social attachment rather than a necessity.
2. I know now how I take having a camera ready as a handy thing forgranted. Missed out on a couple of moments due to the "ah crap, can't take a picture of this now"
3. I have started to pick up where I left off books (as in physical books) that have been abandoned halfway previously. (This one could also be mainly due to the fact that I am trying to not get Amir attached to gadgets so much that I have to hide the mini / ipad from him, thus I can't read my ebooks in front of him)
4. I zikir / recite ayats more now as a result of not having the phone with me while bfeeding Amir (this I believe is a MAJOR improvement!)
5. I have started blogging again! Enough said :)

Side note :: phone is apparently unsalvageable *sigh* 

Tehehe

Dear Hubs,

Kindly take note of the list of things I would like to eat before my confinement.

1. Nasi Lemak Mak Wanjor
2. Berjaya Wantan Mee
3. Your super scrumptious colek
4. Durian crepe
5. All I could eat ice cream, chocolates and froyos

Please make this wishlist a reality, thank you.

Your loving wife. :)

And we're back!

Hopefully for good!

I've updated the sidebars etc..

I've got a few postings in mind..

I'm feeling hopeful.

Hehe.. 

As you can see, we're expecting number 4 - insyaAllah. It has been eventful to say the least. Hence, the quiet. 

Hope to start writing again!

Reflection

Every day when I send J to school, or even when I pick her up I will be greeted by this sweet 5 year old who will without fail ask me who I was sending / picking up.

I would normally just respond to her as I usually do when it comes to questions from these preschoolers.

Early this week, I was told by one of the teachers that the said 5 year old has just lost her mother. *gasp* Innalillahiwainnailahirajiuun.. She is now staying with her aunt (saya takde Mama, tapi saya ada Mommy).

But what amazes me is that although she knows her mother is gone, she does not throw a tantrum. She maintains her sweet demeanour. She still greets me as se usually does. And when asked by her teacher if she wanted to salam me, she quickly did so. I couldn't help but hug her and give her a kiss. Subhanallah.. I was the one with tears in my eyes.

And I can't help but wonder, if anything were to happen to me how would the children fare. Who will be staying with them?

*tiba - tiba byk yg perlu difikirkan*

Revelation

I just realised that I should just post whatever I drafted immediately instead of keeping it for a later review.

This came about because I have tons of draft posts that I really don't know how to continue from where I left off.

And the longer it sits there, the less I remember what to say.

(Getting old aren't we.. *sigh*)

[hitting the post button right now]

End of Q1

How time flies.

Dah nak April.

Which means I have been home for the last 10 months.. Wow!

Never would I have imagined this path 10 years ago.

But that is what having kids do to you. It makes you change your priorities. It makes you realise things are not just about you. It is about putting the tiny little ones ahead of your wants and needs. Always.

Sounds too much?

It would seem so. But you tend to do it without even realising it sometimes. And then you remember that you were entrusted to bring them up to be a good Muslim and caliph.

I just pray that I am pushing them into the right direction. I need to be pushing

myself MORE towards that direction too.

Dismal!

Only 1 post this year! Extremely bad Nana..

I hereby vow to do better from now.

Let's hope this won't be one of those new year's resolutions. ;)

Finally

... longest silence ever and thus I don't know where to begin.
... obviously A WHOLE LOT of things happened and I can't even remember half of it.
... I am hoping it will not be another bout of silence again after this.
... and right now I don't even know where to begin.

Post Mortem :: 1 week Ramadhan

:: sleep is an indulgence. between getting J to sleep (which is late) to intermittent wake-ups by Amir and waking up for sahur. daytime naps are not helping though as weird dreams seems to disturb the sleep. wake up feeling more tired.

:: solat terawikh checked although buat kat rumah je.

:: Aliah had a gastric attack on 2nd Ramadhan. Hence, 2 hari tak puasa.

:: Jannah has not grasp the puasa concept at all.

:: been to the PaRam twice so far. Alhamdulillah membeli tanpa membazir. And food was good too.

:: syukur that I am a SAHM now, else logistics for Aliah and Jannah to and from school would have been a nightmare. Lagilah traffic this Ramadhan seems to be at its worst.

:: mood memasak kurang this time around as am only cooking for 2. Hubby is on a diet program and can't eat almost everything. Haha. But Alhamdulillah he has lost 3.4kgs so far. Not bad for a week's job.

:: kids raya clothes are almost all set. But still have not scout around for Amir's songkok and sampin. Perlu? Ke abaikan?

:: brestfeeding this Ramadhan has been good so far. Masih cukup. Plus Amir eats 3x a day and mostly drinks at night when replenishments can be done. Water. Lots and lots of water. I also believe the fenugreeks work. Again, mind over matter this. :)

The End.

I was asked by many how does it feel. In all honesty, it has not sunk into my brain that I will be "jobless". Though I think "jobless" is the wrong term. There will be a lot of jobs for me to do, and that in itself will be full time. And I do believe I will be busier now than I was working. Handling all 3 kids full time, making sure all their needs are catered to. I am positively sure I will be needing lots of patience. Especially in the beginning. Especially with Jannah. Haha!

I told Aliah today about the new routine and she was extremely happy. Jump with joy happy. :)

Wish me luck. I am going to need it.

Clocking out for the last time..

A Typical Day

Wake up at 6, give or take 10 minutes for Amir's feeding.

By 640, will be done with Subuh. Normally Aliah is up too by this time and will perform Subuh together.

Prep for Aliah's school breakfast and lunch is usually done by Hubby. For this, I am extremely grateful I have a husband who loves being in the kitchen more than I do!

By 730, Hubby usually sends Aliah to school after I make sure she's had her breakfast and vitamins. And packing all her school stuff for the day (bag, lunch, pencil case, water and taekwando / swimming gear).

If Amir is still sleeping, I'd take the time to pack the pumping accesories and take out his EBM for the day. And if sempat have my shower first. If not, it's Amir's turn to have his bath. By the time we finish, it's 8 o'clock already. One more feed for Amir while J gets up and pysche herself up to school. There usually needs to be intervention here when she refuses to go to school because she is / has sick / tummyache / the sniffles / fever / or whatever other ailments she can think of for the day.

830 is the time for me to get dressed for work and leave for Jannah's school as soon as possible. Yes, at times like this I am quite glad the office does not have a punch card system.

A full day's work means I can leave as early as 6pm though normally it is closer to 7 before I head back. The trip is made more bearable as Hubby and I carpool most of the times. And depending on the traffic, the time taken to travel home varies between 45 mins to 2 and half hours (no kidding!).

And as soon as we reach home, all 3 kids will be wanting our attention. Thus dinner is usually a quick prep affair if not take outs. While I give Amir his bath and put him to sleep (he's normally asleep by 830 latest), Hubby would layan the 2 kakaks. By 930, the house would normally be real quiet already as the 2 kakaks also go to sleep by this time.

Sleep will be interrupted by Amir wanting his feeds or Jannah who despise the frog harmony from the back of our house. And then the cycle continues for the next day.

So, pray tell. When would I have time to interact with my children? The mornings are rushed madness to prepare for school and the nights are just too short for any interaction.

And thus, the decision.

It's All in the Mind

Yeah right!

Look at that! The EBM stock is dwindling. Compared to this pic in this post.

I can look at it from 2 different angles; one - Alhamdulillah Amir is drinking a lot and getting a lot of nutrients and growing up oh so healthy or two - I am not producing enough for him thus elevating me to panic mode.

Right now, I am looking at it from angle 2. *sigh*

Maka, a general reminder to self on things to do to boost up production:

• eat right, eat often

• drink lots and lots of water

• keep away from negative feelings, negative people (also negative postings on FB - I find those to be the most disturbing)

• do not skip the pumping sessions

• do not worry that emptying the milk during pumping will then cause lack of milk when time comes to feeding

• be yakin that you will be able to pump enough for your baby

• above all else, before pumping nawaitu in your heart you are doing this for your baby lillahi taala.

It helps if you can get milk boosters or enhancers. Some of the things that work for me includes; (bear in mind, different things works for different people - it is mostly trial and error)

• my 'happy food' which are chocolates and froyo

• lobak putih

• milkmaid tea

Let's go grab some happy food! :)

The Beginning

MONDAY, MARCH 28, 2005

Right now, I'm at my new work place. But, I'm with old friends. It's comforting. It's good to be back.

It has been 7 years.. Wow!




[mode :: reading old entries in the old blog]

Zombie Kg Bangi

That is how I have been feeling the past week.. You see, last Thursday J started getting spots on her body. And the fear that they caught the virus from their cousin came true. The household has caught the chicken pox! And true enough, Kakak started showing symptoms the next day. *sigh*

So what does that have anything to do with the title you say? Well, check out my night routine;

1130pm - Amir asleep after night feed

1230am - Kakak woke up due to itchy-ness, wants a warm bath and calamine lotion

0130am - Kakak tidur

0200am - J pulak bangun, cranky and of sorts. Wants milk and Mommy

0300am - J finally asleep again

0400am - Amir up for his next feed and decides he wants to play :P

0530am - Amir goes back to sleep finally!

0620am - Up for Subuh

Luckily, the worst was during the weekend. Hence I got some break during the day to catch up on some sleep.. But it is no where near enough. Haha!

To date, Alhamdulillah Amir hasn't caught it. Kalau tak, confirm lagi huru hara. But I am ready in the eventuality that he might catch it too.

:: Trivia Facts on Chicken Pox ::

*it is known as Cacar Air in Malay and not Demam Campak (which is actually Measles)

*the most contagious period is actually 2-3 days BEFORE the spots are visible, although a person is still contagious until the blisters have crusted

*you will show signs of having the disease 10-21 days after initial contact with person with chicken pox. Hence, the misconception that it is contagious at the point of dah nak baik.

*generally, you will get it only once in your lifetime (though cases of repeated cases are heard of in adults - and it is then called shingles)

*the immunization for chicken pox does not mean you won't get it at all. It just means that the attack won't be as bad (30-50 spots as compared to hundreds) and less recovery time (5-7 days compared to 14-20 days)

[all facts are gathered from various internet sources]

- Posted using BlogPress from my iPad

So it begins..

In the name of Allah, Most Gracious, Most Merciful..

Stock yang ada .. enough for a month

... permudahkanlah Ya Allah ...

Big Girl

I have not talked about Aliah of late have I? I guess she has come to a point where she does things as expected and does not test Mommy's patience as much as J.

Oh wait, except for that day when she first had her swimming class and left behind the plastic bag which had all her swimming gear in it. Aannnddd didn't say a word about it till much much later - much to Mommy's wrath. Oh, and also when she promised to look after the iPod and it went missing. It still is actually, I am slightly calm knowing that it is somewhere in TokMi's place.

She was punished for it though, no electrical gadgets for her. And I do believe she has learnt her lesson. One thing good that came out from that, she has started to be a bit more engaging again as compared to being glued to the iPod all the time.

The other night before going to sleep, she did say that she will be more cautious after this about taking care of her things. Alhamdulillah. Sometimes you need to be tough on them so that they know things don't come easy.

And yes, she is missing another front tooth.